My friend Muskan has still not recovered from one of the biggest ordeals in her life. She was in her early 20's when she met Vidit, the man of her dreams. Little did she know he would wreck her life and it would be worse than a nightmare. Like any relation, it begun from adoration moved to isolation and then came the manipulation which took an ugly form of violence. After 4 years of a happy relationship and 2 years of marital bliss, she underwent her worse nightmare! Everything she did was like pushing up daisies. After 6 years and a blooming career, Vidit came home one day after having lost his job and that is when his emotional strength shattered, and he lost his control. It all started with the sex which was usually at odd times or when Muskan was fatigued from office and household chores. She was in pain, but she did not whine about that. It became worse when he wanted to do the same when she was chumming.
Was she a "battered wife?" Well not yet! He started demeaning her in various ways; from her physical appearance, taste in clothes and even her hygiene. After a few months of this emotional trauma, they had bitter spats where she ended up getting slapped and pushed around. She was shattered, when she was subjected to this behaviour in soirees and other social engagements. It was one of those days of insult and misery when she realized she needed to get out of this troubled marriage. What hurts her even today is the nonchalant demeanour that Vidit exhibited when she left the house and the marriage. She has been suffering since. She still feels that she should have compromised; to avoid social banishment and other collateral troubles. However, despite all, she is learning how to challenge societal norms and emerge stronger!
What does this small incident say then?
It says that 'men' in our country feel their 'masculinity' is defined by abusing their wives/ girlfriends, physically and mentally. It could be a bad day at work for them, but would it justify for them forcing sex when she may be fatigued? And if she does not cook to his desire, does she deserve to be slapped? What if she has a lot of male friends, does the possessive streak of masculinity justify a man to kick her brutally, or could career instability and changes in his life give him a right to burn her in spite? Is it only physical or sexual? Well, patriarchy is deeply rooted in our society and upbringing across educated classes as well as slums. People may have become more aware but even an act of narcissism can push you on the edge to become a domestic abuser. Respecting a woman is the foremost emotion every man is meant to have. The ‘domestic abuser’ is the societal filth and not living his ‘masculinity’. The socioeconomic gap in our society is also a major contributor to this ill practice which has been plaguing our society from ages unknown.
The bizarre thing is that weirdly enough the COVID-19 Lockdown in the country has also brought in a heavy surge of 'domestic abusers' inflicting atrocities on their wives and children, now more than ever before! Self-quarantine and isolation are leading to the test of emotions and strength of personalities too. The world right now is struggling with a pandemic which may even erase humanity from this earth. Count your prayers. Some men have subjected sexual, non-sexual, physical, and some even mental forms of torture to their partners. The point in case being these lockdowns are also contributing to mental health disorders leading to the surge in these cases.
Dear women, learn to show such men their place in the society and if you see any of this in your acquaintances, help the victim! Speak Up! Call on helpline numbers, seek police protection, and reach out to women commissions. Take charge. Don't let this hamper your empowerment and a lifetime of bliss. And as for the men, hold your abusive friends accountable for their actions. Side with the victims and be of help, instead of only disbelieving the accusations. Your denial can cost someone her health and life.
Visit Phoenix Pads on Instagram, and learn about ways to get immediate help. We wish you sheer strength and power. Stay safe and keep your loved ones safe as well!
